The beauty of Waiting

" Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether of not you would keep his commands........ know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you..." Deuteronomy 8:2-5




What does being in a desert for forty years look like today?

• Waiting for the longest time for God to fulfil the desire in my heart
• season of going though all the mandane chores at home and keeping the kids to their daily routine
• praying for many years for a miracle at home
  
• feeling discouraged because there seems to be no spiritual fruits after all these years of serving

To be in a desert for sucha looong period of forty years is not only a hard but a Heart test . THe prolonged period of WAITING can bring so much discomfort, discouragment and disappointment without seeing it from the perspective of a Loving God who is STILL in control .

This period is a one of deep soul searching but I'm growing to be thankful for it coz God has been surfacing and showing me the little imperfections of my heart . I realised that the impatience and frustrations that I felt were because the many things I had wanted to trust God for was , over time, becoming tainted with my own personal agenda with my own expectations on how I want certain things to turn out.

AM I willing to once again surrender to God for the things that I am claiming by faith to be fulfilled IN HIS TIMING , IN HIS WAY instead of mine?

Am I still willing to TRUST Him ?


Interestingly, I recall an incident where Gracia asked me to buy a golf set for her . Within me, I wanted to get it for her to make her happy , it wasn't expensive nor harmful so why not. But I decided to hold back.

I didn't want to let her have the habit of asking for toys and things and expecting to get it at her whims and fancy. Somehow I know, over time, that will take away her true enjoyment of the things given to her ( delayed gratification).

I wanted her to truly be able to enjoy the things she have , to learn to wait and to TRUST me that I wanted the best for her and desire to give her things that will truly satisfy and bless her .

So I tried as lovingly as I can and said,

"No, Gracia. Not now and not this. Mummy will check with daddy and we'll decide later"


She flared into a tantrum. Was tempting to relent to avoid the discomfort of tussling with her but I still held back. I knew even if I explained , she wouldn't understand.


To make up for the vacuum within her to find something to satisfy her, I spent extended time outside for a walk and playing with her. She soon forgot about the golf toy and still returned home very happy coz she had a wonderful time with mummy. She didn't get the toy in the end but she had more of me =) I know our relationship deepened and more than that I wanted for her to TRUST me more .

Such a parallel with my relationship with God.


Many times I get frustrated and disappointed when my wait for God to answer seemed too long for me . But while the wait has been really tough, I'm beginning to understand that God wanted to correct my inner heart attitutes and refine me deep within . Furthermore, He wanted to deepen my relationship with Him and for me to TRUST Him more. That I look to Him not just for the things What He can give me but look to Him as one who loves me.

Lord, forgive me for the times I been so tempted to try to solve the issues at hand in my own way rather than wait and trust you during the prolonged waiting for your answer. I know that your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and your ways higher than mine. I may not understand how and when you will fulfill the things that I have been praying for but I know you will fulfill it in your timing , in your way . I know you love me .I will TRUST you during this waiting period in the desert. =)

giving grace

I received an sms from Gracia's teacher after school that A new little boy in class hit Gracia on the face when Gracia stared at him. His mummy sends her apologies to me.

I was having lunch with Gracia then and was a little surprised that Gracia did not mention anything to me.

Me : " Gracia, did somebody hit your face today?"
Gracia :" yes, a boy hit my face ... BUT he said sorry already"

I was surprised by her response.

Often, if someone offended us , we would complain about the wrong does agst us and get justice for ourselves. Thus her response caught me by surprise, so much grace she extended . To her , this chapter is closed with his apology. No need to know why he did it or getting back at him by asking mummy to get "justice done" for her.


A timely reminder for me to give grace to the people around me who have affected me negatively regardless if it was intentional or not. Life is too short to be trapped with bitterness . Moreover, those who may have affected us may not even realise or remember . in any case , nobody's imperfect anyway . I am grateful to Jesus and my loved ones who have given me grace when I have been and very often, less than perfect ! Let Go of all my grievances ! Do es not matter even if no apologies! Life is too short to be trapped in bitterness.

I like what my mummy taught me, " Happy is one day, sad also one day, might as well enjoy each day happily ."

Thank you for saving me

Thank You for saving me, what can I say?
You are my everything, I will sing Your praise
You shed Your blood for me, what can I say?
You took me sin and shame
A sinner called by name
Great is the Lord
Great is the Lord
For we know Your truth has set us free
You've set Your hope in me
Mercy and grace are mine, forgiven is my sin
Jesus, my only hope, the Saviour of the world
"Great is the Lord" we cry
God let Your Kingdom come
Your word has let me see
Thank You for saving me

I'm thankful for the depth of grace in my life . Indeed I am a sinner , so prone to do things that I would later regret.

Thankful that no matter how many times I fall short , I can still have hope bcoz the one who saved me is constantly doing a refining work in my inner being.

The mountains that I face often are constantly challenging me to change. To change my heart attitudes as I learn to bear with the weaknesses of others and the accusing tongues.

I remember Ps Caesar's word during the G12 conference :

When I change, everything else changes.

Macho G kid..

" I can do all things through Him ( Christ) who gives me strength" Philippines 4:13

Gabriel - God is my strength

Little Warrior of Faith

Hoooo Ray! Gracia is almost overcoming her fear of going to school on her own!!!!

For the past 3 months, gracia has been fighting the fear of going to school on her own . Almost every time before she goes to school, the fear of school overwhelms her so much that she'll run to the toilet to VOMIT all the food she had and cried lots before she enters her class!

Her mummy and daddy have been praying for her and she surprised us one night during one of our routine night prayer season where we take turns to pray for each other ...

In a meek but very serious tone she asked, "Daddy, can you pray for Gracia that Gracia will go to school myself?"

This was her REAL need and her first specific prayer request. We prayed... for many nights .

Then we also began to encourage her to make her faith declaration. When we mention SCHOOL, we encouraged her to exclaim , "Ok , PRAISE THE LORD!" We rehearsed this often and she would always exclaim with hands raised . She still struggled for some time and vomitted everyday before school. Guess this was really a Big mountain for her.

But this little girl never gave up , she BELIEVED and was still fighting in faith coz she REMINDS us to pray for her every night and praticed her faith declaration often!

INdeed, Praise the Lord! This Thursday, she was all smiles for the first time when she was preparing to go School. She knew that she had overcome and achieved something...

Just look at the face of victory , my little WARRIOR of FAITH!

I did it!!!!!!

Re-commisioning the Shepherd

Been tough lately with much discouragement and disappointment in ministry, this song kept me focused on the one thing in the midst of my pain, every night ever since ,

Jesus shall take the highest honour

Jesus shall take the highest praise

Let all earth join heaven in exalting

the name which is above all other names

Let's bow our knees in humble adoration

At his name every knee must bow

Let every tongue confess He is Christ God's only Son

Sovereign Lord we give you glory now

For all honour and blessings and power

belongs to you, belongs to you

For all honour and blessings and power

belongs to you , belongs to you

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God

It's a humbling journey coz I learnt that my hands and love can only take the pple I care and mentor thus far, only Jesus can touch and transform lives.

I thank God coz He knew that the discouragement was eating up my desire to believe that I can be a sheperd of lives ( even to my children, I am almost about to doubt that I can raise them up well).

He knows and surprised me during the recent YouthNet Leaders' retreat . Just when the retreat was coming to an end, my dear Pastor ( Pastor Eugene) declared the RECOMMISSIONING OF us as SHEPHERDS and this very song was played.

To me, I know it's an affirmation and encouragement from above that He believes in me and wants to recommission me as a SHEPHERD.

I cried , I was so touched by His reality and timeliness of his message to me. =)